When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
