so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
