man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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