im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
