i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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