OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
