Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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