Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
