i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize