how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
