i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
