i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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