Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
