She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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