I will die if light touches me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
