I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Panties = found
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