I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
