we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
