She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
