Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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