pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
