I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
