she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
did you just send me my own nude
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
