I hate your face
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize