I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
