She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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