i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
