Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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