I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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