remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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