Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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