how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
