Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
be right there i have to get my cape
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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