I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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