He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
