Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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