she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
