you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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