hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
