I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
