dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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