The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
