I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
