In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
