I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
