Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
