If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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