Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
