Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
