I wish I could teleport
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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