omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
