During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
