somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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