I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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