if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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