My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
