I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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