Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
