if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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