im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
