Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What a dumb baby whore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize