i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
