I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
