and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
