Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
