Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
