You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
