You work out of a Hotel?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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